Potential and Reality

Written by

Brij Sachdeva

Destiny and Fate

A seed has the potential to grow into a tree. This potential is the tree’s destiny, recorded in the seed. This means the tree's destiny is encoded in the seed itself. But we never know the tree's fate. Fate is the outcome of destiny that is actually realised. Suppose you plant a tree in your backyard. The seed contains information regarding its capacity to reach full height, bloom, and bear fruit. Suppose that by the time the plant grows three feet tall, you decide to construct a room in that area and cut it down. A tree that was destined to grow twenty to thirty feet tall could not go beyond three feet. This is the tree’s fate. The information about your decision to build a room was not recorded in the seed. What is recorded in the seed is the potential or the destiny, but what actually happens in reality is the fate of the tree. Similarly, the seed of a particular personality trait is present in every child, with the potential to become a fruit-producing tree, but to what extent it will grow depends on circumstances, external interventions and choices.

Amygdala

A child is born with a foundation substrate loaded with seeds of all kinds of personality traits. This substrate is called the amygdala. The amygdala is the field where these seeds of various personality traits grow into trees, potentially. The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure located within the brain. It’s a major processing centre for emotional regulation and learning. It detects threats and responds to fear and danger for survival purposes. It also plays a significant role in social communication and understanding, including how we interpret someone’s intentions from their speech or behaviour. The amygdala plays a significant role in emotions related to parenting and caregiving. It plays an important role in the development of a child's basic nature and personality. 

When a newborn child hears a high-pitched sound, even if it is the mother’s voice, the child’s amygdala is activated to detect fear and danger. This is easily seen on the child’s face. And when the child hears a low-pitched, soothing sound, the child starts laughing happily. If this activity of detecting fear and danger happens more often, it will lead to the development of a personality trait characterised by a generalised feeling of fear and danger, even in situations where there is no danger. This may lead to the development of a low self-esteem personality trait.

Development of personality traits

Examples of personality traits include anger, shyness, aggressiveness, submissiveness, low self-esteem, high self-esteem, introversion, extroversion, nomadic tendencies, sedentary lifestyles, and the Big Five personality traits. For example, a child is born with the potential of both aggression and submission. If you tolerate the child’s aggression more often, the child will become aggressive, but if you don’t tolerate it, the child may become submissive. If you love the child, you may tolerate the aggression more often, but if you are reluctant towards the child’s need for love, you will not tolerate the aggression more often. Parental affection, acceptance, or rejection profoundly influence the development of a child’s basic nature; greater love and tolerance may foster confidence, while rejection may reinforce submissiveness.

Parenting and caregiving matters

The rate of development of a child's basic nature and personality is inversely proportional to the age of the child. This means that the younger the age, the faster the rate of development. It also means that the initial years of life are most important as far as the development of basic nature and personality is concerned. A child who gets love, care, support, and respect in the initial years of life develops a different kind of swagger, grace, and aura than a child who is deprived of all these privileges. I have observed an interesting fact about the role of birth order in the development of the basic nature of a child. Parents are often more loving and caring towards the first child but become reluctant towards the subsequent children. There are exceptions, especially when the gap between the first and second child is wider, but where the gap is smaller, it is mostly the case. The result of this is that the first child mostly has a better swagger, grace, and aura than the second and third child. This is because of the decline in the fondness of the parents towards the second and third child, especially when the gap between them is smaller. Although in families where there are more than five children, the younger children may not need the fondness of their parents because they may get this need fulfilled through their elder siblings.

Basic Nature and Personality

Fate is all about the intersection of potential and reality. Destiny is potential, while fate is shaped by reality. Reality carves the fate from the destiny. The ‘Basic Nature and Personality’ of an individual, being the greatest part of fate, is the outcome of the intersection of ‘Potential and Reality’. In my blog post ‘Basic Nature and Personality’ I have explained that the change in reality of a person can influence the personality, but  the basic nature, once established, is almost irreversible.