The Art of Listening

Written by

Brij Sachdeva

Hearing is not Listening:

Are you aware of the difference between hearing and listening? Anyone who has ears is capable of hearing. You hear the sound of a school bell. You hear the sound of an electricity generator. Hearing the sound of a school bell or a generator is not listening. Every sound touching the eardrums can not be titled as listening.

Listening is an art:

Listening is not as simple as hearing. Listening requires the presence of mind, attention, sincerity, empathy, respect, will, and, sometimes a certain level of intellectual, and educational calibre, especially when you are listening to an authentic speaker. Listening is a fundamental skill in effective communication. You listen only when you have a desire to understand. You listen to understand. Otherwise, you can go on pretending to be listening, and applying all your prejudices and biases to what is being said and then interpreting everything in your own terms, without giving any consideration to the context, relevance, scope or intended meaning.

A bad listener destroys the point before it's made:

When someone is speaking, the listener is often not truly listening, but quietly preparing a reply. The listener already has so much to say. So many thoughts are floating in the mind, waiting to be expressed. After all, they have given the speaker a chance to speak— now, they believe, it is their turn.

In a conversation, people usually don't listen to the speaker to understand the point being made. Instead, they focus on picking a word from the speaker's statements and express their own statement, thereby diverting the whole conversation away from the scope, context, and perspective of the current topic. This is how they destroy the point before it is made by the speaker.

Examples:

One day I was explaining to my friends the meaning of corruption from the fundamental existential perspective, which is far beyond the economic perspective. I said, “As fire is hot and water flows downwards, similarly man is essentially corrupt by nature”. One of my friends interrupted and said, “We make the water flow upwards using a motor pump”. I said, “That is the nature of the motor, not water.” This is the way a listener escapes, out of the context and the perspective, and becomes insensitive to the significance, the beauty of expression and the feelings of the speaker when they are not listening to understand.

Another day, I was with my friends at a restaurant. One of us started a conversation about political parties and leaders. A friend remarked, “People have very short memories. They forget the Congress party when the BJP comes into power and forget the BJP when Congress comes into power. They forget summer when winter arrives and forget winter when summer returns.” Another friend, hijacking the conversation and taking it out of the context, said, “The duration of the summer season is increasing and that of the winter season is decreasing every year. The weather changes we are witnessing are due to pollution and deforestation.” I replied, “But that has nothing to do with people’s short memories.” This is how people sometimes hijack a conversation to steer it toward an idea they are already obsessed with. They do not listen to respond wisely because they are so desperate to express their own idea that they risk looking utterly stupid.

Why it Matters, After All:

It is always better to be an active participant in a meaningful conversation, rather than being a passive hearer. By mastering the art of listening, we can build trust, enhance learning, deepen connections, and resolve conflicts. Actually, outcomes improve in every sphere of life when we respond wisely— and a wise response is the result of active, authentic, and, sincere listening. Effective listening is considered a core leadership skill in almost all spheres of life.

The art of listening enables us to understand what isn’t being said. The nonverbal part of the conversation is also crucial to the context and the idea being expressed. Only an effective listener can pay attention to the speaker’s nonverbal gestures and body language, whereas a passive listener is bound to miss them.

Essential Principles of The Art of Listening:

• Face the speaker and maintain eye contact   to show focus.

• Be present and attentive.

• Quit your internal monologue. Don't prepare a reply. A wise response would naturally emerge through active and sincere listening.

• Respect the feelings of the speaker. Practice empathetic listening.

• Remain calm, collected, and sympathetic toward the speaker.

• Keep an open mind, avoid criticism, and ensure the speaker doesn't feel you're arguing.

• Be patient; don't rush to offer solutions.

• Pay attention to body language. Focus on the tone and gestures of the speaker to understand what isn't being said.

• Ask polite, open-ended questions to show interest.

• Use cues like nodding (“hmm”) to give feedback to encourage them to continue.

• If the speaker explains a rule or general trend, don't refute it by mentioning exceptions. Remember, rules often have exceptions.

• Use paraphrasing. Briefly repeat what the speaker has said (e.g., “so, you mean that…”) to confirm your understanding.

• Use phrases like “I can understand” and “well said” to acknowledge and appreciate.

• Don't speak out of context or outside the scope of the conversation. Stay relevant.